These days, I've been flying quite frequently, cattle class (literally) as usual and much less proud to be part of the "herd". Flying in India, unlike in olden times, isn't a luxury anymore. I guess this is what Americans seem to be complaining all the time about. Back in the days, I used to think they were just not appreciative of flying because it was way too mundane for them and their expectations of quality was higher than the average Indian’s. But now I empathize with them; gone are the smiles on the faces of the crew, those greetings (that at least seemed fairly genuine), even plane food has become appalling; which I used to look forward to, given plane fares were never cheap and somehow delicious and neatly packed plane food (incl. in the flight fare) made the experience of flying more justified than just reaching one's destination quickly. Plane food is now just a lot of outrageously priced snacks.
Last night when I was flying, my co-passenger, after scrutinizing the flight menu for a while, decided to pick something to eat. He was obviously taking his time to carefully weigh all the options so as to pick the most appropriately priced item on the menu. He enquired with the crew, pointing his finger at the pack of nuts priced at Rs. 40 (Ha, quite impressed with himself)!
This was met with a rather difficult smile and a curt reply, "Sorry sir, we haven’t got that. Maybe you'd like samosas instead". Now, to me it seemed a bad proposition to a person who wanted a small pack of nuts. All the more inappropriate since these samosas cost Rs. 100 ( whereas elsewhere 20 bucks would have sufficed for the same). So I expected this guy to dismiss this offer with a shrug muttering “Bah, nothing then”, but to my surprise his only query to that suggestion was a mere "I'll have it only if its served hot";I thought to myself, “Seriously, that's what was stopping you from ordering it in the first place ??” I could see the smug look on the face of the crew for he had successfully upsold to the poor bastard! What a loser, I thought. "And you Sir?", the crew member asked, turning to me. "No, thanks I'm all right", I replied. He didn't seem very pleased with me.
Few mins later the air-hostess dropped off a box of samosas on my co-passenger’s food tray. Mmm..those samosas smelt good..I thought he might after all have bagged a decent deal ! I decided not to look that side (even through the corner of my eye), of course to alleviate myself of all the drooling. My co-passenger seemed to be enjoying his snack quite well and I happily went back to listening to my music. He seemed to shift around in his place making himself all the more jolly as he gobbled away. It seemed as though he was making sure the samosas did reach where his hunger pangs originated ! A little later, emerged the unspeakable - the obnoxious cloud of fart. It was so discreet that it caught me off guard, left me defenceless and gasping for air !! I managed to look up to see if the crew was enjoying their little practical joke, for all this suddenly seemed to me like their grand plan. Though I couldn’t see anyone, I shuddered at the thought of what my plane food had become after all - a secret bio-weapon to disorient unsuspecting passengers and leave them helpless !! Next time around, I'm going in dressed as Darth Vader !
Bon voyage o.O
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