Direct me..not fine me !!

It was a Sunday morning and before the sky cleared to let the sun out, we started off from our place in Pune to Mumbai. We had an evening flight to Kenya from the Mumbai International Airport and thought that it wise to drive down to Mumbai and leave our car at my uncle's place for the week that we were away.

On the previous day, I did the routine tire air pressure check which I do every time before we do a long trip, especially if that involves driving at speeds over 100 kmph on the highways.

We also offered to drop off our friend at Mumbai, who was in Pune for the weekend. So the three of us set off from Pune at a brisk pace. Since we started early enough, the journey till we left the express highway was uneventful with us stopping only at the toll booths occasionally.

A little ahead after the express highway exit, we noticed there were a lot of road works underway, with diversion boards here and there to direct us. We strained our eyes to read the boards making sure we made the right turns. Although, that seemed working fine for a while, we got confused when we saw sign boards up ahead to Mumbai showing us right, when a few meters earlier it showed straight ahead. We were approaching a 'Y' junction, so we had to decide which way to go. My wife noticed that there were few policemen standing at the junction, so we kept going till we reached them.

We thought it was best to stop and ask them for directions rather than getting lost in traffic, defeating the whole purpose of having started early. As we slowed down, I put my head out to ask the policeman, who by then had waved to us to stop a little off the road, to let traffic behind us move.

"Mumbai jaane ka raasta kaunsa hai", I asked with a befuddled expression on my face. To which he replied " Hmmm..aapka license dikhaaye..". Err..what's going on! I pulled out my licence and he looks at it and says, " Aapko lane cutting ka fine bharna padega". For a second I didn't know whether to laugh or get angry. Fine!? What nonsense! I tried reasoning with the cop that we were merely slowing down to ask him for directions. Oblivious to my confession, he goes on to ask "Kahaan ja rahe ho?". What ! What the hell is wrong with this guy? I said we were going to the airport and we have an international flight. Then, he wants us to open the boot and check our bags. "Imported saaman kuch hai kya?", he asks. The three of us are stunned. I started to loose my patience. I told him that he is wasting our time and that there was no offence from our side. By this time, I noticed that the other cop standing beside us, who witnessed all the drama, had a nonplussed & bored expression. I called out to him and said, "Sir, kya ho aha hai yeh sab". He looks at the other cop and says, "Jaane do unko, woh airport ja rahe hai". Thank you, so he is the good cop ! But the other cop is adamant that I leave my license with him, which apparently my friend can collect (as he figured out only my wife & I are traveling). I was starting to get really annoyed; my wife and my friend also tried to reason it with the good cop. Finally, after arguing back & forth he let us off without a fine, although the cop who wanted to fine us wasn't one bit happy. If only he had his mate’s support, he must’ve thought !

As we move ahead, my friend tells me, all the while the cop was waiting for me to tip him off, which is something that never crossed my mind! Yeah, maybe they are working on a Sunday morning, maybe they are underpaid, but whatever the goddamn reason is, this is no way to share their misery!!

One can imagine such a nightmare it was "asking cops for directions"! Word of advice - stay off the radar even if you are a law abiding citizen; and you wonder why "men don't stop to ask for directions" ha !!


Cheers,

Air Attack

These days, I've been flying quite frequently, cattle class (literally) as usual and much less proud to be part of the "herd". Flying in India, unlike in olden times, isn't a luxury anymore. I guess this is what Americans seem to be complaining all the time about. Back in the days, I used to think they were just not appreciative of flying because it was way too mundane for them and their expectations of quality was higher than the average Indian’s. But now I empathize with them; gone are the smiles on the faces of the crew, those greetings (that at least seemed fairly genuine), even plane food has become appalling; which I used to look forward to, given plane fares were never cheap and somehow delicious and neatly packed plane food (incl. in the flight fare) made the experience of flying more justified than just reaching one's destination quickly. Plane food is now just a lot of outrageously priced snacks. 

Last night when I was flying, my co-passenger, after scrutinizing the flight menu for a while, decided to pick something to eat. He was obviously taking his time to carefully weigh all the options so as to pick the most appropriately priced item on the menu. He enquired with the crew, pointing his finger at the pack of nuts priced at Rs. 40 (Ha, quite impressed with himself)!

This was met with a rather difficult smile and a curt reply, "Sorry sir, we haven’t got that. Maybe you'd like samosas instead". Now, to me it seemed a bad proposition to a person who wanted a small pack of nuts. All the more inappropriate since these samosas cost Rs. 100 ( whereas elsewhere 20 bucks would have sufficed for the same). So I expected this guy to dismiss this offer with a shrug muttering “Bah, nothing then”, but to my surprise his only query to that suggestion was a mere "I'll have it only if its served hot";I thought to myself, “Seriously, that's what was stopping you from ordering it in the first place ??” I could see the smug look on the face of the crew for he had successfully upsold to the poor bastard! What a loser, I thought. "And you Sir?", the crew member asked, turning to me. "No, thanks I'm all right", I replied. He didn't seem very pleased with me. 

Few mins later the air-hostess dropped off a box of samosas on my co-passenger’s food tray. Mmm..those samosas smelt good..I thought he might after all have bagged a decent deal ! I decided not to look that side (even through the corner of my eye), of course to alleviate myself of all the drooling. My co-passenger seemed to be enjoying his snack quite well and I happily went back to listening to my music. He seemed to shift around in his place making himself all the more jolly as he gobbled away. It seemed as though he was making sure the samosas did reach where his hunger pangs originated ! A little later, emerged the unspeakable -  the obnoxious cloud of fart. It was so discreet that it caught me off guard, left me defenceless and gasping for air !! I managed to look up to see if the crew was enjoying their little practical joke, for all this suddenly seemed to me like their grand plan. Though I couldn’t see anyone, I shuddered at the thought of what my plane food had become after all - a secret bio-weapon to disorient unsuspecting passengers and leave them helpless !! Next time around, I'm going in dressed as Darth Vader !

Bon voyage o.O

Holy Cow !

Back when I was an NRI (I hate that term; maybe I’ll come up with a more appropriate one soon), on the rare occasions when I came across something remotely ‘racist’, like for instance an American TV show featuring somebody on the road stopping to worship the holy cow et al, I used to think we Indians, like a lot other people from different cultures, are probably the most stereotyped for things that in the modern age even in India might be considered quite ridiculous. Perhaps it used to occur more frequently few decades back, but in New Age India, boy, you don’t wanna know that even first world countries will be put to shame when it comes to westernization and technology.

But well let me confess, I was wrong. Ha! But the latter part of my assurance that India is still at the forefront of technology holds true though. When I landed in Pune a year back, driving around cows (holy and the others) became a routine event on my way to and from work. And strangely enough, people who look too busy to even let a bunch of school kids cross the road, stop to worship the cow – this time the Holy one! Amusing, I found it in the beginning and some part of me sought apology from the random American director whom I had cursed earlier for being ‘racist’. But then again the cows in turn, I’m not sure whether they really know they are being treated godly or not, sure started taking all this worshipping quite seriously I assume. For, these days, they just decide to sit right in the middle of the road! And quite unperturbed people continue to ply around them.

Peace,

$ur

Misleading Docomo Recharge

Hola,

Finally something has given me the impetus to post here and reach out to the masses with an important discovery. 

Some of you who are Tata Docomo customers might have seen the new SmartLife plan ad that loads on the Online Recharge page - http://www.tatadocomo.com/online-recharge.aspx

Well, like every other Indian perhaps who loves bargains, this seemed like a wonderful mobile recharge plan to me. What this plan essentially gives you, is a Rs. 219 talk time on a Rs. 246 recharge. But this isn't the good part. Within 48hrs of doing this recharge, if one recharges for Rs. 4, he/she gets 1GB of 3G Internet Data with a validity of 30 days !! Yeah, awesome right ?

Yeah, but here is the catch. You will not be able to do the Rs. 4 recharge !! :D read - screwed !!

But I was definitely not gonna let it go that easy. I figured it's just a matter of time before I'll be able to do this recharge, because all that kept showing up when I tried to do this Rs. 4 recharge was that it's not applicable to my number.

So after waiting for a day, I called up the customer care. But again, I couldn't find a way to reach the Customer Care Assistant. The menu just didn't feature that option !

By this time I was starting to get really pissed. I got online to check if I could find a way around this hitch. That's when, hidden way inside somewhere in the website, I found that there is a hot line number to get to the Customer Care Assistant - Dial 9 after you call 121 (Customer Care) !

So then I managed to talk to the Customer Service lady. As usual, she was courteous and asked me what she could help me with. So I related the whole episode of the SmartLife recharge. At first she tried to convince me that the Rs. 4 recharge had to be done immediately after the Rs. 246 recharge. To which, I countered saying that's not what it says on the site. Finally she agreed to check it for me. And then came the stunner of the information which I was looking for all along !!!

One has to dial the MAGIC CODE to do the Rs. 4 recharge which is, WAIT FOR IT  ----- *141*15# 

Well, my first reaction was to ask her who the hell knew of such a thing. Then I realized she is just another poor pawn in the corporate conglomerates' little game of saving some money ! So I decided against shouting at her, thanked her for this information and ended the call.

And the minute I pressed the MAGIC CODE, Kaboom ! It all worked. Now I have the 1 GB of data for the next 30 days and the problem is solved.

But one wonders, how much a customer has to take care in order not be swindled by corporations ! Looking at the bright side of things, it reassures you that you still have to be smart to survive in this era (and not iBitches :D) even though technology is making things easier everyday (so even an iBitch can survive) ! ;)

Peace \m/

$ur

Left open mouthed :) !!!

Today morning, as I was driving into the town, a bus sped past my car. Though I don't drive like crazy most often, today I was in a mood to. So I caught up behind it soon enough and was about to overtake the bus..when...

I saw something written in white on the lower part of its back side; It wasn't a 'Caution: Air Brake', or 'Keep a Safe Distance' slogan, or a sound horn alert or anything of that sort, that you would expect to see usually...

It was one of the most surprising thing of all, that I saw written on it..It said " No Compromise"; I was like.."Oh...." And the bus sped away !! :)

Cheers

Peace

$ur

Trafsickgnal !

What do you think will happen to Cochin, once the city acquires the Smart City status ? I believe the city will have to work hard to try not to make the name look like a paradox.

OK, people who live or have been to Kerala, and here I really do mean people who have actually seen Kerala in the real sense, will know that its not a cake walk to TRAVEL in Kerala , as often the way it is shown in the media. And it became a strong conviction, when couple of days ago, I was driving my Mom to her office in the morning. Usually she goes by bus, but it was a bus strike on that day. Ha !

Now, when you hear about a bus strike in Kerala, early that morning, you really don't know whether its elation of driving around safely in the city or the fear of getting stuck in a traffic jam, thats gonna grapple you more. Well, when I reached few meters away from the Station Kavala Bypass Junction, I couldn't see anything other than a huge traffic block. My first reaction, though not aloud, was to dismiss it as a usual block that would clear away in sometime.

After around 10 minutes of patient waiting, I realized, the thing was more sinister than it looked few meters away from the signal. There at the signal, a school bus and two buses of the Kerala State Transport had blocked vehicles going in all four directions from the junction. Naturally, I cursed the bus drivers who are usually rash around this part of the state. Well, the chaos began to ensue for another 20 minutes. I could see how helpless all the other drivers were.

It was then, reality struck me. Few truck drivers had got out of their vehicles and taken the role of the traffic cop; the whole episode was due to the negligence of the traffic police as they hadn't even bothered to turn up on a rainy Friday morning at the peak hour of traffic !!

I've been to other cities and have even driven around, but one thing different about the traffic jams I've noted there is that, most often it is just because of the sheer number of the vehicles there and the number of unnecessary traffic signals, at each kilometer stop. The negligence from the side of the cops is something more serious and poses a graver threat on the city's capabilities in handling traffic.

You wouldn't want things as these to be clubbed with the Smart City tag in news paper headlines and ruin the whole image of the city. People would start asking, "OK if this is what happens in a "Smart City", what can we expect of the other smaller cities ?"

The shift of focus of the IT industries and BPOs aren't quite enough for a city to be called Smart. I think, we have a long way to go ahead, in maintaining good roads, traffic rules and equipping the city with more facilities, before we say the city is actually Smart. The short future looks bleak; but I don't deny the fact that, if more educated minds can think of a solution to all these minor blemishes, in years to come, the prospect of Cochin becoming an actual Smart City is quite promising.

Peace,

$ur

Getting Aboard a Cog !

Little do people know about what goes behind the Mask of Tranquillity!

Under the false impression that their wards will be taken care of, they drop them into The Ocean. The Ocean sees all alike, they say. For 3 years they have no reason to believe otherwise.

Then, one fine day, the journey, or the Trip as we call it, to the Biggest Island in the Ocean began.

No doubt, the Island is big and fruitful. Little can it be compared to our own islands. We found only the abundance of greenery, on our first expedition on getting there.

We suspected nothing. Not because we are inferior to the inhabitants of the Big Island, but because of our ignorance.

Well, we had all come to get aboard a *Cog! And we ain’t thoroughbreds...This is how the whole procedure of getting into a Cog went about (or goes..cos this ain’t gonna change in a long time)...We were all let out into the ocean which seemed to be placid and serene. We moved in our respective shoals under the aegis of our leader.

Day 1: Sun was shining brightly. The first Cog that is to take us ashore was coming today. My group were the fortunate/unfortunate ones to take the first dip in the waters..a pass in the preliminary swim is necessary to go out into the vast expanse of the Ocean which is the playground. Well most got through. There were few of us who didn’t make it to the playground.

We were, without doubt, sad! Sad is a mild word to use under the circumstances..but still...My fellow mates who made to the playground, had their wits tested. They had to wait of course, till the next day eve to know whether they were in or not!!! Those of us who didn’t make it...were preparing to get aboard the next Cog in line...

Day 2: Day 2 passed without many happenings till the evening. I began to sense the fluttering of butterflies in ma fellow mates' stomachs...the results..anytime now. Some started pacing up and down..which obviously didn’t help..so they went to enquire...And then they came..most cleared....but few didn t..they looked sad..the Cog, they said, had funny ways of getting people.... Alas... Tough luck!

And so some got aboard the Cog! Still more to go....

Day 3: We were all expecting the worst from this Cog...! They surprised most..I got in..suddenly I, who was to head on the next Cog in line, had my plans altered...the mission was to get On board this cog..Anyhow! We tested each others' wits...part of the training...for the D- Day tomorrow...

Day 4: Well...I ll make it short........ It was full of surprises and mixed emotions all around..the final list was announced after a long wait..that seemed like years...I got Aboard this Cog !..well..later on...we began suspecting when things began to smell...but there were no evidences....the day passed.

Day 5: Now, till today, we did feel, something was going on..but we dismissed it as a hallucination cooked up by our sadness and anxiety...but when one of our mates was "shot" in the knee..rendering him helpless and handicapped...and others not even as good as him made it to the Ocean,we knew it..The Cog had some Big Island Pros on board....we tried treading the path that was once overlooked..the path which led to the shadows of the villains...we were now sure of foul play...we were in an Alien Camp..!!

Treachery at its Worst!! Cos some of the Big Islanders also, were made Scapegoats.....!

Day 6: We tried voicing, or at least enquiring....our cries were silenced by our own leader..he said our hands were tied..and that we had walked into a booby trap..for the benefit of a few of our own men..we kept quiet..!! Lies were spread to curtail the few of us who had got to the Ocean...Our mates who were there to help the Cogs, knew what was to be done..they turned the tables and went to the extend of surprising the Devil...thanks to them...some survived..we did celebrate when we bled in silence !! We were clearly the minions now...but we grew stronger! Those who were shot were ready to fight...!!!!

Day 7: Clearly shown on our faces, the anger and despair...they played safe this time around...Though a lame duck...he did fire a bulls eye...now we knew how to take it on..we worked our asses out...it was a Do or Die task at hand...those few of us who stayed till our fellow men got aboard...tried our best to help...

Day 8: We did our best...They couldn't do much than give it to us....those of us who had fallen overboard...made it this time...we celebrated...!!! The Hunted took the role of the Hunter...

Still there remained a bunch of us who couldn't t get aboard a Cog...and those who were brave enough to stay and take it on..are getting aboard.....This way we are still fighting a LOSING battle...for the Benefit of those who will follow us into this BIG ISLAND in the years to come..until..by some twist of fate...we get to bring these Cogs to our end of the Ocean !!!

*P.S: A Cog...is a small sailing vessel!!!